Cultural Confusion and Returning Home

Overseas service and traversing cultures had become part parcel of family life for the Bradburys and an integral component of our calling. In 2021, our carefully planted roots in South Asia, which were beginning to blossom, were unexpectedly hauled up. Undoubtedly the right decision for us on so many levels, the return ‘home’ has left me with a disorienting confusion. After living in Africa and Asia for 15 of the last 17 years, there is such relief and joy about being nearer family and friends. Facetime relationships with our UK tribe being slowly restored to face to face friendships is sheer bliss.  But alongside this uncomfortably sits some unsettledness, exhaustion for being in what feels like a long-term, unending transition process, weariness at all practical and financial conundrums and most prominently an intense grief about what we’ve left behind.

One minute you are rejoicing at being able to spend time with people you love, the next minute you are crying out for what you’ve lost and is now scattered. One day you are helpfully contributing to an important work discussion because you have a unique perspective, the next day your contribution to the conversation with friends sounds ridiculous and out of place exactly because of the very same experiences. One week, you feel you are confidently adapting, the next week your confidence is shut to pieces as you are struggling to understand processes or caught off guard by an unexpected encounter.  It’s confusing!

For the children, they have returned back to a country that is listed on their passport but one they do not really know, struggling to make sense of the world where they now mingle with those who have so much when they have lived amongst though who have so little. They have diligently entered a world a new culture, one that is supposed to be known but is not. They have adjusted so well. In fact, our biggest joy has been to see them embrace the change, flourish at the vast opportunities school and community offers and enjoying a freedom they have never experienced due to constant security concerns. To see them lay down their own roots and sense that they are beginning to belong helps us to know that this is the right place to be. But It’s confusing!

My fragile faith has also been impacted by living overseas. The vibrancy and the vitality of the Zambian and Kenyan worship and the intimacy of the few who quietly and faithfully gather together in Bangladesh all demonstrate beautiful and diverse expressions of faith which has touched us intensely. The internationalism and togetherness of The Salvation Army is truly a blessing and a bond. Journeying with people who have such difficult daily struggles but live with much more compassion and love than I have ever had has been a genuine and valuable blessing. Yet, I find myself silently bemoaning the failure (or perhaps lack of humility) of the privileged to listen to the people who are growing in those challenging and complex situations. This causes me great frustration as I know they have something important and valuable to say and contribute. I struggle a little to reconcile the well-resourced church I belong to and the comfortable, high tech offices I sit in, with the humble people and worn-out buildings that I worked in other countries.  It’s confusing!

Don’t get me wrong, overseas service was not easy, it is hard. But even though there were always so many struggles, financial hardships, anxiety about safety and increasing concerns about the kids education, the good things, the friendships and the fulfilment of service meant that we didn’t really not notice these in the same way. My heart had settled in our calling and in a culture. But, I am not going to dismiss all the frustrations  or forget the pain I feel coming back and settling down again in the UK. Rather, I am seeing these as a positive as they speak into strong relationships, a personal resilience and a heart for our calling. The experiences we had had have shaped our family, made us who we are and are now part of us. They will remain part of us forever!

And so we find ourselves back in the UK, which we know is right for this season. It does feels a little bit like we have landed some place new, even though it’s familiar. The feelings are actually not so different from when we pitched up in Zambia or Kenya or Bangladesh but people’s expectation are different. But for now, it’s time to enjoy the close proximity and company of our beautiful family and friends, many of whom have so faithfully accompanied and supported us from a far. Time to enjoy the often talked about things we missed; going to the football, fish and chips, walking freely in clean air and so much more. Time to feel valued in the overwhelming welcome we have received at our work place, our church, at the community groups and sports clubs. At a time when there is so much much focus on the negative in the UK, we can testify to the positive. My heart is full of gratitude when I think of the blessing all the people looking out for us and the sensitivity shown to our situation.

So for me, my head and my emotions are a mess and to be honest I did not anticipate the cultural confusion that is now upon me. It has not been helped that COVID19 and its restrictions meant that we could not say a proper goodbye to Bangladesh and our friends there. Nor can we properly get to explore all possibilities for socialising and exploration. I feel left in a kind of reverse culture shock, which kind of feels that we are walking around with our shoes on the wrong feet, familiar but uncomfortable, clumsily moving from place to place.

On the rare occasions I have spoken about my innermost feeling and particularly the grief we feel, the answer has always been grace. On the very few times I have talked with people about my struggle to find me feet in my new but unfamiliar workplace, the answer has always been grace. In the quiet times of reflection pondering my confusion, the answer has always been grace. Give yourself grace. Grace as I work through the loss, the struggles and the changes. Grace as I take time to adapt. Grace I we start the process of making sure the shoes are on the right foot. Grace.

‘And the things of the world will seem strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.’