Do what you know to do. When you know better; do better.” Maya Angelou

Two weeks ago, we clocked a year in Bangladesh. I have reflected much over the last week as we past this milestone. . Moving to Asia was a surprise for us, for some reason we always believed that we would stay on the beautiful continent of Africa. We knew our way around. We had worked things out. But we were ready for a new challenge but perhaps not quite so ready for a new sense of culture shock. There is no doubt it has been a mamoth adjustment; culturally, practically and spiritually.

Over the last year, we have had to find a new normal. We had to relearn how to do many things. We have had to learn a new way of living in much less space, a new way of working, new places to shop. We have had to master a new way of getting around, a new way of cooking and even a new way of counting, using a new structure and new numbers (crowes and lakhs). For the most part, I have relished the challenge of crossing over into a new culture. Alongside this, it has been a real joy to see a new country and the process of transition through our children’s eyes. They have embraced adventure and settled well.

Along the way, we have met some really good friends, who we know we will be connected with for the years ahead. We have visited places we never dreamed we would get to see. We have seen sights that have amazed and we see the beauty and hope there is in our new home country. For all it’s complexity and chaos, it is safe to say our family love Bangladesh and it’s people: we genuinely feel blessed to be given the opportunity to live here and journey together with the people we are thrown together with.

However, as often happens with major change, it has not all been rosy. If I am honest, I expected, perhaps foolishly, to slide easily into my new role. This past year of work has been one of the most difficult work seasons for us for a number of reasons (which are not for here). Some are about the situation I find myself in, some are about the complexities of Bangladesh and most are about me and my limitations. I keep telling myself that I should know more than I do, feeling that all my overseas experience should give me a better understanding of what I am supposed to be doing. We have had to work on some difficult issues, which have held me back in moving forward but I know they need to be sorted before we can be more purposeful. In my naïveté, I thought there would be similar ways of working to my experiences elsewhere. I thought I could make a difference and quickly. I thought I would catch up in record time.

How wrong I was. My pride and my confidence has often been bruised by my inexperience. I realise that sometimes I struggled with wrong motivations, self-centredness and fear of failure. I have been hindered by pride and lack of humility. My confidence has been shaky. I have been discouraged because things don’t seem to be getting better and certainly not at the speed I want them to.

However, all is not lost. I have still have hope and three things give me this hope.

Peace – A peace beyond understanding that for some reason totally bemusing to us, we are in the place where God wants us to be. Peace that we are being obedient to him and whatever happens he will honour that one way or another

Faith – we have been in similar situations before, like when we started out at Chikankata and He has been faithful. Things are incredibly complex here. It is going to take something special for me to see past my own limitations in the days ahead. He has strengthened us and guided us in the past but I know I need to rely on Him much more each and every day. But I have the reassurance that God has proved himself a faithful father in the past and I have to keep trusting Him.

Love – I work alongside some amazing people. The officers and employees are some of the most inspiring, encouraging and courageous people I have met. They are sacrificial in their lifestyle and their service. I genuinely believe that God is loving us through His people. Every time I get dismayed with my work situation, I look to them and see Jesus and His love in them.

So I may not be changing the world but I am plodding on, learning more about others and myself in the process and trying to do what I know best, one day hoping that it will be good enough.